Defect Read online

  Defect

  ©2019 Danielle James.

  All rights reserved. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, place, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

  No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

  EZRA

  The deep thump and boom coming from my brother’s room let me know he was getting his head ready for the homecoming game. That’s how Everett got in the zone. He listened to rap on high until the last possible minute when Mom came banging on his closed door.

  My room was across the hall from his and it was also much quieter. He liked rap and I was a fan of R&B. He liked to go fast and I liked to take things slow. He was the star varsity football player and I was…well, not. We were twins but we were like night and day. Never stopped us from being close though.

  When I heard Mom shuffling around in her room, I knew she was about to bang on Everett’s door and tell him to cut that rap shit off so we could go. I hopped up and made my way to his room before that happened. I couldn’t stand hearing her fuss at him. She may as well have been fussing at me. It caused the same reaction.

  “Yo, Ev, Mom is getting ready to come in here raising hell. Let’s go,” I said, pushing his door open. His walls were covered with football posters and beautiful girls. My walls were only covered with beautiful girls.

  “Shit, is it time to go already?” He turned down the music and looked at the clock on his phone. He had to be the school hours before anyone else so that meant we had to leave early. Mom told us we couldn’t ride with our friends and we couldn’t drive ourselves because according to her we didn’t know how to behave responsibly so she was our ride.

  Only we’d be that fucking lucky to have our mother drive us to the homecoming game. “Yo, Sierra is going to be at the game and the dance. If you shoot your shot, I’ll let you ride shotgun.” Everett laughed and grabbed his lime green Nike bag, tossing it across his body. I looked at him like he was crazy.

  “Ride shotgun? The fuck are we twelve?” I shoved him and he shoved me back.

  “Okay boys, let’s go. I don’t want to be late.” Mom was right behind us and we didn’t even hear her walk up.

  “Ma, can you please drop us off and not stay the whole time,” I begged.

  “Ezra, you should have thought about that when you and your brother decided not to obey curfew. Came waltzing in here at one in the morning on a school night. So this is all your fault. Both of you. Now, let’s go.” Her walnut brown eyes bored into both of us at the same time. It was a look she’d perfected over the years. She clearly meant business.

  When she marched out of Everett’s room, he sighed and said, “She acts like we’re not already eighteen though. Shit, we’ll be nineteen in July and she’s still treating us like kids.”

  “Countdown until college life because…fuck this shit. I can’t live like I’m on lockdown.”

  “Just think Ez, we’ll be across the country at NYU. Ma will have to hop a plane to come bitch at us at that point.” We laughed and slapped hands before heading downstairs. Neither one of us wanted to hear our mother’s mouth.

  It wasn’t that we hated her but she could be stifling and overbearing. She wasn’t always like that but after Dad died, she tightened the reins on us and we hated it. We were eighteen-year-old seniors with a nine o’clock sharp curfew. Our jobs revolved around that curfew and if we absolutely had to work late, she had to drop us off and pick us up.

  Naturally, we rebelled whenever we could.

  Everett’s friends didn’t like me for shit but he always made sure I was included in everything he did. So when the football team threw a party for all the popular kids, Everett got an invite and I didn’t. He made sure I came anyway.

  “What the fuck are they going to say?” He’d said defiantly. He was right. Who the fuck in their right mind would tell the captain of the football team no? It wasn’t going to happen.

  So right after school, we went to his best friend, Antonio’s house and told Mom we both had a shift at the movie theater we worked at. She didn’t question it because Everett wrote it down on the family calendar beforehand. He’d been putting the plan in motion for days.

  We partied a little too hard and ended up coming in around one in the morning. Mom was livid. Actually, livid didn’t properly describe the way veins bulged from her forehead when she yelled at us. That’s why we ended up getting escorted to homecoming.

  I can’t say I regretted the party even though I wasn’t the social twin. I got the chance to get close to Sierra Gellar. She was one of the popular girls that never paid me any attention unless I was standing next to my brother. That should have turned me off but Sierra was fine as hell. She was the most beautiful girl in West Palm High in my opinion. I’d just about cut off my right arm to be her man.

  “So, if Ma drops us off, I’m going to tell Sierra that you want to talk to her. That way the ball is in your court.” Everett nudged me and I groaned.

  “Don’t. I know how to handle myself,” I told him.

  “I can’t tell. You were at the party with her for hours and all you did was talk to her.”

  “What was I supposed to do? Knock her down and pull her titties out?” I laughed.

  “No, but you didn’t even get her number. Come on, man. How are you my twin? I would have left with her number or something.”

  “I’m good, Ev. I make moves in my own time.” He shook his head at me and we hurried out of the house to get in the car because we knew if we didn’t, Mom would chew us out.

  Yeah, college couldn’t happen fast enough.

  “You want shotgun?” Everett asked me. We were standing on the passenger side of Mom’s black Ford Explorer. The sun was just starting to sink into the earth and the air had a chill in it that settled uneasily into my bones. It wasn’t unusual weather for early October in LA though.

  “I’ll take shotgun, I told him with a nod.

  “Then you’re getting Sierra’s number when we get there.” He held his hand out and I met it with a confirmation slap.

  “That’s my twin.” He threw a punch at me and I blocked it before getting into the car beside Mom.

  “Yall out there talking about girls? Which one is it this time?” She asked before pulling off.

  “Girls? We wouldn’t dare talk about girls, Mother. We were talking about homework,” I smirked at her. She rolled her eyes and merged onto the busy main road. I slipped my headphones on over my ears and listened to the new HER album. I was counting down the minutes until I got to talk to Sierra.

  My phone buzzed while I held it in my hands and I looked down to see a text from Everett.

  Evil Twin: You better get her number. If you don’t I will.

  Me: You won’t do shit. What are you going to say if she doesn’t give it to me? You know she’s the type that only notices me if I’m with you.

  Evil Twin: Ez, you look just like me so you’re fly as fuck. Comes with the territory, twin. If she notices me then she definitely notices you.

  Evil Twin: Plus she let you talk her ear off all fucking night.

  Me: Point taken.

  Evil Twin: Well then, get to work the minute this truck pulls up.

  Evil Twin: Make me proud.

  I sent him a middle finger emoji for good measure and I heard him snort through the music in my headphones.

  I looked up just
in time to see the traffic light turn red. I wanted to see how close we were to school. We had about five minutes. I glanced down at my phone again and then my body flew forward and everything went black.

  Black.

  Black.

  Black.

  …

  EZRA

  I woke up in pulses of consciousness.

  One pulse of light. One pulse of sound. Then blackness again.

  One pulse of thought. One pulse of pain. Then blackness again.

  It went on and on. I had no sense of time passed. I was in a void. I was floating in and out of reality. One moment I was there and then the next I wasn’t. I had no idea where I was when I wasn’t aware. I only knew that I was determined to hold on to the pulses a little longer each time

  That determination must have worked because I was conscious enough to open my eyes during one of my longer pulses. Low lights and rhythmic beeps greeted me like old friends I knew but didn’t remember.

  Soft fuzzy shapes grew sharper lines the longer I forced my eyes to stay open. God, I wanted to close them. My eyelids felt like stone. The promise of sleep never felt better. I fought it though.

  I made myself stare at one point. One lime green blob across from me that blurred in and out of focus with every heavy, slow blink I took. I stared at it for what felt like hours but what the fuck did I know about the passage of time? It could have only been minutes. My perception of everything felt skewed and wrong. Time seemed to pass too slowly and too fast at the same time.

  So I laid there with limbs made of cement and a brain full of fluff, staring at the lime green blob until I could make out a swoosh on the front and a black strap snaking to the side. It was a bag. A Nike bag.

  Everett’s bag.

  I tried to sit up but everything inside my body screamed to life with excruciating pain and stiffness. A memory slammed into me out of nowhere and rendered me still.

  Metal on metal crunching.

  Shards of glass ripping through my skin.

  My head thumping.

  From that brief memory, I knew I was in the hospital. I knew me, Mom, and Everett were in a car crash. I knew I felt completely fucking empty and gutted. I tried to move my hand, curling my fingers inward slowly. At least it didn’t hurt to do that. I felt around my bed until I connected with something smooth the size of my palm. I brought it in front of my face and stared at it.

  It was the remote. Right at the top was a red call button for the nurse. I jammed my thumb against it repeatedly until two nurses rushed in.

  “You’re awake,” the first nurse said. “Call his mother.” She looked at the second nurse then approached my bedside. “Hi, can you tell me your name?” She smiled softly at me, her blue eyes flitting all over my face.

  I opened my mouth even though it felt like my lips were crazy glued shut. “Ezra Fredericks.” My throat felt like sandpaper. I winced at the gravelly pain.

  The nurse nodded and gave me another smile. “We were worried about you Mr. Fredericks. You were placed in a coma voluntarily after your car accident. We attempted to wake you up after a couple of days but you wouldn’t budge. We’ve tried mostly everything.” Her smile had a hint of sadness and it tore my chest apart. “Your mother will be glad to know you’re awake.”

  “Miss Fredericks is on her way,” the second nurse said, walking back into the room. “Let’s take your vitals, Mr. Fredericks.”

  “Ezra. My name is Ezra.” Anger bubbled up inside of me that I couldn’t control or explain. “Where’s my brother? My twin brother, Everett?” It still hurt to talk. My voice came out husky and dry.

  “Oh my god. Ezra!” My mother’s voice snapped me out of the residual fog I was in. Her hands trembled as she came into view. She couldn’t hug me but I could see that she wanted to. The nurses had me surrounded, poking a thermometer in my mouth and taking my blood pressure. “I need to speak to him alone!” Mom shouted at the nurses and they got right the fuck out of her way.

  “We’ll call the doctor to examine him,” The first nurse said. They hurried out of the room and closed the door behind themselves.

  I still felt the anger pumping through me. I wanted answers and I didn’t like that I wasn’t getting them. The second I woke up I should have been getting answers.

  “Baby,” Mom touched my cheek but I pulled away.

  “What the fuck happened?” I asked her in a low tone. She blinked rapidly at me and shook her head.

  “Ezra, you know better than talking to me like that. You know better than talking like that period. I know you…”

  “Ma, I don’t care how you think I’m supposed to talk. Somebody needs to tell me what the fuck happened and where Everett is.” Saying his name made my heart ache.

  “Ezra…baby…” her voice wobbled and I shook my head hoping it would block out what I knew she was about to say. A thin film of sweat beaded on my forehead. I felt like I was in the middle of a raging thunderstorm. Lightning flashed and thunder boomed in my mind.

  “Where is he!” I shouted. My ribs burned and screamed in pain. I didn’t give a fuck.

  “We buried him today. He didn’t make it, Ez. He died on impact in the accident. I…I wanted to be here when you woke up but.” Everything she said dissolved into waves of static punctuated by her tears and sobs.

  Everett was dead.

  She buried him without me.

  My heart was bleeding.

  I wanted to throw my fist through something but I was hooked up to all those stupid fucking beeping machines. Tubes and wires were everywhere.

  Fuck that shit.

  I tugged the IV out of my hand and swung my stiff legs around the side of the bed. “Take me to my brother. Now!” My voice exploded as I pushed to my feet.

  I’d never seen my mother visibly shaken but right then was a different story. The storm inside of me was leeching out and I couldn’t stop it. I tried. I tried to bottle up the confusion and anger but it only made the feelings grow. What started as a seed of anger bloomed into a flowering tree of rage and contempt.

  Mom’s eyes watered and tears clung to her lower lashes. “I can’t take you to him. I told you, we buried him today.” She spoke in a calm voice but it was a front. A mask in place of fear. She rolled her lips between her teeth to stop them from trembling.

  “Who the fuck is we? I’m the only person who should have been there when he was put into the ground! You buried him without me!” My fingers balled up and I fought the urge to smash something. Anything.

  In all honesty, I wanted to put my hands on my mother. I knew it wasn’t her fault but I didn’t have any other outlet. My brain was steering me in wild directions on paths I’d never ventured to before.

  What was wrong with me?

  The only thing that threw me off my violent track was the nurses rushing in at the sound of high pitched beeps snitching on me and alerting them that I’d ripped out my IV. “Mr. Fredericks, you need to lie down,” they said with outstretched hands and wide eyes. Mom hid behind them and pressed her back flat against the wall.

  I never paid attention to my size before that moment but I knew I must have looked like a hulking monster right then.

  “If you can’t sit down and let us treat you, we’ll have to sedate and restrain you.” Pain sliced through my head and the room swam before me. I was forced to fall on the bed. The nurses rushed to restrain my wrists but I wasn’t fighting them. I couldn’t. I was in too much pain.

  “Please help him,” I heard my mother son in the corner. “God, please help my baby!” I didn’t need help. I needed to see my brother. I needed to see where his body was. I needed to understand why I was alive when he wasn’t.

  Tears rolled like fire down my cheeks. Deliberate and determined to scorch. My face was blazing. My heart was charred and inside of my mind all I heard was thunder.

  It took the two nurses fifteen minutes to get me hooked up to everything again and to inject a sedative into my veins that made me feel like I was wading through mud.r />
  Before I could open my mouth to protest, my eyes fell shut almost as if on command from someone else.

  Sleep took me quickly.

  …

  It took me two days to speak to my mother. I saw doctors and had every fucking scan and exam known to man. After my outburst the first night I woke up, I was labeled as difficult and non-compliant. Nobody would talk to me they all spoke to my mother. All the doctors and nurses took her into the hallway and muttered under their breaths about whatever was going on with me.

  By night two, I’d had enough. I’d just been rolled back into my room after a second CAT scan and Mom was sitting in the corner chair reading her bible. Her lips moved over every line and I wanted to badly to snatch that fucking book from her hands and demand she tell me what was going on.

  See, after my outburst, she didn’t want to speak to me either. Her reasoning was different though. What she was doing felt like punishment for the way I spoke to her.

  Once I was in my bed again, I glared at her from my spot. Every time I looked at her my blood ran hot. “Can you stop being so fucking childish and tell me what’s going on? Nobody is talking to me and it’s pissing me off.” I fully intended to talk to her like a normal human being but that stormy rage lashed out instead.

  Her walnut brown eyes snapped to mine and she drew her head back. Her usually arched brows were unkempt from sitting in the hospital with me for weeks.

  “Ezra, I’ll speak to you about what’s going on when you learn some decency again.”

  “Fine. Maybe I need to lose my shit again so I get some attention around here.” I stood up and she slammed her bible shut.

  “Sit down. You shouldn’t be up like that.”

  “Why not? Are you going to explain why I’m in the hospital or do I have to start running laps until I get answers?”

  “They said you would change but never in my wildest dreams did I think you’d be like this, Ezra.”

  “Who is they? Can you stop talking in code?” Standing up hurt a lot less than it did the first night I woke up. My body was healing and I was getting stronger but for some reason, I was still in the fucking hospital. I felt like a prisoner.